Co-parenting is difficult even if you sincerely want to stay on good terms with your Ex. There are many challenges, due to lack of proper communication, resentment, mixed feelings and financial issues such as child support.
Keep in mind that both of you want the best for your child and that you should try to act as a team. Here are 5 rules regarding communication with the other co-parent that you should try to implement in order to avoid conflict.
1. Communicate When Required
Even if you have had a divorce from hell and you would prefer to never hear from him or her again, that is not an excuse to stop communication. This is not an ordinary break up, where you have right to forget that your Ex ever existed.
I mean, even now you can forget that the two of you have ever been romantically involved, but you mustn’t ignore them as a co-parent of your child. You still have something in common — the most important person (persons) in your lives, your kids.
2. Don’t Use Your Child Like a Professional Messenger
That is not what we meant when we said that you have to communicate! You should spare your child from details and don’t give him the burden of being the mediator between you. There are helpful apps that can help with passing info without having to involve a child.
Also, when you have your child transferring messages to each other, it is possible to create confusion and misunderstanding. Some things have to be solved between co-parents and children shouldn’t be involved.
3. Keep an Open Mind About Your Ex’s Intentions
You don’t talk as often as you did before and communication is usually via text or phone, which leaves a lot of space for misinterpretation. Try not to jump to conclusions before you know the whole story. Timtab has a communication plan to help any co-parent engage with the other parent without conflict.
If you think they did something wrong regarding your child, their needs or education, give your Ex an opportunity to explain themselves. Maybe things aren’t what they seem to be. Hear their side before you condemn them.
4. Keep Your Ex Appropriately Informed
They deserve to know everything that regards their child. It would be unfair to avoid telling them things, and it will affect negatively not only on your relationship with your Ex, but on your child too. And that is something you definitely want to avoid at all costs.
You would be angry if your discovered that your co-parent was hiding important things from you. So, he/her has the right to be angry too.
Sharing information doesn’t mean you have to give up on being discrete. Children see and hear a lot and, usually, they are unafraid to share. Certain things, such as your love life, should normally be kept private from everyone except perhaps, say, your closest friend.
5. Respect Their Interests and Parenting Style
The two of you probably don’t have the same priorities in life. That might be why you are divorced. But if your Ex finds it important that your child plays sport or play an instrument, and the child likes that activity too, you have no right to complain and underestimate that activity.
They have the right to decide how are they going to spend time with your kid and, as long as kid likes it and there is nothing wrong or dangerous, you have no right to object. Be respectful and communicate nicely and, hopefully, you will get the same in return.